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Category: Family (page 1 of 3)

Church Clothes

I have a child that is highly sensitive to certain external stimuli and in particular, how they make her feel. She lives with a chronic health condition that causes her to not really feel all that well most of the time and consequently, anything else that creates discomfort for her is not received very well.

One thing she is very particular about is the clothes she wears. She appreciates function over form. She values comfort over looks. This often means that if she has an outfit that feels good to her, she will wear the same things quite frequently. And it drives me absolutely nuts. Not only because I’m tired of seeing the same t-shirts and leggings but also because she never wears any of the newer or nicer things we provide for her and would like to see her wear. And while this bothers me on an everyday basis, it especially bothers me when it’s time to get ready for church service on Sunday mornings.

Last weekend she invited a friend to spend the night and attend church with us on Sunday morning. This is a friend who normally doesn’t attend church. But because she learned she would be attending church with us she and her mom made sure that she packed some nice clothes so she would be dressed appropriately for church.

This morning I found myself using that example as a way to try and influence my daughter’s outfit choice for church. “Did you notice what Reagan’s* mommy packed for her when they learned she would be attending church with us? It’s normal and expected that people dress up nicely and respectably for church.” As I listened to the words come pouring out of my mouth I realized I better add in, “but of course, God loves you just the way you are. He cares more about your heart than about what clothes you are wearing.”

Bam! Instantly I felt the twinge of conviction. I realized what a pharisaical, legalistic hypocrite I was. If God doesn’t really care how nicely my daughter is dressed, why should I? Well, if I’m being honest, it’s probably because having her dress in a certain way for church makes me feel more comfortable and causes me to worry less about what other people are thinking. Very selfish and shallow.

Although only a brief interaction this morning, it was a reminder of how judgmental and legalistic I can be; especially as it relates to determining what is acceptable and pleasing to the LORD. It also caused me to reflect on how I have been discipling my daughter? Have I been leading her to wash the outside of the cup so that it looks clean to everyone else while meanwhile the inside remains full of all kinds of filth and gunk like greed and wickedness? Have I been encouraging her to simply be like a whitewashed tomb which outwardly appears beautiful but within is full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness?

I may cringe sometimes when I look at my daughter’s clothing choices on Sunday morning but I should be more concerned with what God thinks and how He feels when He looks upon her heart.

I’m all for an air of reverence and awe in approaching the LORD but I think I’ll focus more on the posture of my daughter’s heart than her external appearance.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

Interpreting My Daughter’s Dream

balloonsTypically I rise between 4-5:00AM but I haven’t been feeling all that well lately so this morning I was trying to catch up on some sleep and planned to stay in bed later than normal. That plan was thwarted by my youngest daughter who showed up in my bed at 6:30AM. And let me tell you, she was AWAKE! But she was in a very happy mood so I didn’t mind much. Getting snuggled and cuddled by a sweet, little, gap-toothed smiler is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, I think it might be one of the best things I’ve ever enjoyed.

The reason she was so awake and so excited is because she had a dream that she wanted to share with me. Can I just take a brief pause here and say that I hope she never outgrows this? I hope that she will always be excited to share her dreams with me; to let me be excited about them with her and to commit them to prayer and ask that God would give her the desires of her heart. Ok, end pause.

So, here’s her dream that she shared with me. In her dream, she was in our backyard holding on to a helium-filled balloon. Unfortunately, she accidentally let go of her balloon and it floated away. She was very sad that this happened. But then God reached down from Heaven (she said she actually saw His hand) and gave her a big bunch of balloons.

I’m not sure if there is more to the dream and if there was, she wasn’t interested in telling me. She was too jazzed about God giving her a bouquet of balloons and thought this was the coolest thing.

Here’s the deal; I’m no interpreter of dreams. I don’t know why my daughter dreamed what she did and I don’t know whether it has any significance or what it might reveal. But here’s what I hope it means.

  • I hope it means that she believes there is a God in Heaven who knows her and cares about what is going on in her life. Even the silly stuff like balloons.
  • I hope it means she believes there is a God in Heaven who is close to her when she’s brokenhearted and cares about her.
  • I hope it means she believes there is a God in Heaven who is able to provide for her every need and able to fulfill all the desires of her heart.
  • I hope it means she believes there is a God in Heaven who desires to give her good gifts.
  • I hope it means she believes there is a God in Heaven who pursues her and loves her.

In what way has God reached down from Heaven this week and given you a bouquet of balloons?

Listening to God’s Voice

One of the biggest challenges with the kids heading back to school is breaking the flexible habits and routines of summer and reestablishing the more structured, scheduled and rigid rhythms of fall. No longer are the kids able to stay up later and sleep in. No longer are they able to just go and do whatever they want wherever the wind happens to take them. After only two days in the classroom and heading back to piano lessons and soccer practices, the kids are tired and cranky. This time of transition has created some tension.

An extra measure (or five) of patience has been required in dealing with our children as they work through this transition; especially with our youngest. Last night in particular was a challenging time. Her being tired and upset translated into an obstinate, ornery and disobedient attitude and she was trying to take down as many people as she could with her harsh words and yelling.

I’ll save you all of the ugly details but it all resulted in having a conversation about why her behavior was unacceptable, how we all fall short and are in need of grace, how none of us can act in a way that is helpful for us, blesses others and pleases God without the power of the Holy Spirit and how my love for her is not conditional on how well she behaves. I can’t remember exactly how we got there but ultimately our conversation turned toward the need to listen for and obey God’s voice. She admitted to me that she is not sure that she hears God’s voice and is not sure what to listen for.

We talked about the reason she knows and can recognize my voice – even picking it out from among multiple competing voices – is because she has heard it a lot. She has spent a lot of time with me, has heard me talk a lot and consequently, my voice is familiar to her. Likewise, I told her, we need to spend time listening to God speak. We need to spend time reading and listening to His word – the Bible – so that we become familiar with His voice. We need to spend time letting God speak to us through His Word so that we are able to discern His voice from all the other competing voices in our life.

This isn’t just applicable to my daughter. This is a universal truth. How can we possibly recognize God’s voice or know what He is saying if we never allow Him the opportunity to speak to us?

Do you know the voice of God the Father? Are you able to hear it and recognize it? Are you able to isolate it from all of the other noise in your life? God speaks to us through His creation and in the past He spoke through prophets. More recently He spoke to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. Today He is revealing Himself through His inspired Word, the Bible.

What are you doing to ensure that you become familiar with the voice of God? Can you remember what His voice sounds like? Have you opened your Bible today to listen for God’s voice? What has He revealed to you about Himself today? Go ahead – I’ll wait. Go grab your Bible and allow God to speak. Listen for what He has to say about Himself and what He desires you to do in response to that truth.

I don’t ask these questions to elicit feelings of guilt. In no way do I want to come across as judgmental or legalistic. I don’t want you to open your Bible just to check something off your to-do list. My prayer and hope is that you will desire to meet with God on a regular basis and that desire would be motivated by an understanding of just how much He loves you. That you allow Him to speak truth into your life and allow Him, as your heavenly Father, to teach, rebuke, correct and train you through His word. That you come to know the voice of the good Shepherd and understand that He has laid down His life for you because He loves you.

God is speaking. Are you listening?

Providing Spiritual Nourishment for Children

NourishmentI feel that should be proactive in offering a caveat to this post so here goes:
*This post is in no way intended to judge, blame, convict, or induce guilt. It is simply an opportunity for me to think out loud and sort through some things that are rattling around in my head. Of course, this is no different than any of my other posts but I feel as though some people may take particular offense at this one. If that happens, please know it is not my intent or motivation. However, I trust that the Holy Spirit will fulfill His purposes.

I remember reading an article in the local newspaper a couple years ago about a young couple who had their infant daughter removed from their home because they were not feeding her. In fact, they were starving her because they thought she was too “fat”. Mind you, we’re talking about a 7-month old baby here. Sadly, although the reasons and motivations may be varied, this is not an uncommon story. Stories about parental neglect and child abuse are all too common and the consequences all too dire.

In addition to the obvious consequences of harming the child and doing long-term damage to their health, the other consequence is that the parents lose their right to be parents and their children are removed from their home. If you don’t provide food for your children to ensure their physical health and well-being, the Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) steps in, calls you unfit to be a parent, and protects the children by removing them from that unhealthy and dangerous situation.

This got me thinking (which is always dangerous). I’m thinking that, in addition to feeding our children to promote their physical growth and health, as parents we are also to feed them in such a way that we promote their spiritual growth and health. A few verses that come to mind immediately:

  • “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
  • “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:6-7
  • “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Now, to cut to the chase by way of some rhetorical questions: If we as parents don’t feed our children to promote their physical health, we are guilty of neglect and our children will be taken away from us by DSHS. What about if we are not feeding our children spiritually? Are we as guilty of neglect? Why are we outraged to hear of children being physically malnourished but not care enough to plant God’s word and water the seeds of faith in the lives of our children? Is it because we do not take it seriously when God commands, exhorts and encourages us to do so in His word?

As parents – as followers of Christ – we are called to be obedient. We have been called to make disciples and our primary mission field is in our homes. It is not for us to worry about whether the seed of God’s word takes root in the heart of our children. It is not for us to worry about whether the seeds of faith bear fruit in the lives of our children.  After all, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything. Only God can make them grow. But it is for us to be obedient and to walk by faith. Our job is to model, teach, instruct and encourage. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict our children of their sin and to lead them in repentance. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to lead and guide our children into God’s truth. And it is only by the grace of God that they will be saved.

Although there’s no Department of Spiritual Health Services to step in to take our children away when we neglect to feed our children pure spiritual food, the world (and Satan) would love to take them from us. All the more reason to put a steady, balanced diet of the word of God in front of them on a regular basis. All the more reason to boldly and confidently approach the throne of grace and intercede for our children on a regular basis. Not as an act of legalism. Not because God will owe us anything in return. But simply as an acknowledgement of our dependence on, and desire for, His grace, mercy, and love to penetrate the hearts of our children.

As a parent, my responsibility is to simply prepare and serve a healthy, well-balanced meal to my children. I can’t force them to eat. I just need to make sure they have the opportunity to eat. Similarly, I also need to make sure that they have the opportunity to be nourished spiritually.

I dearly love and care for my children. One of the best ways I can demonstrate that love is to ensure that I am fully submitting my life to Jesus on a daily basis and that I am faithfully walking in obedience to God by bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. There are no guarantees on what the outcome will be. There is no assurance that they will grow up to know and love and serve the Lord. If (Lord willing) they do, it will only be by God’s grace and for His glory.

My desire is that my children will never go to bed hungry. My desire is that they will be well-nourished. My desire is that they will learn that they cannot live by bread alone. My desire is that God’s will be done in their lives.

How prayer quiets hearts, builds faith, and finds lost keys

My children are attending Vacation Bible School this week. Our time around the dinner table gives me an opportunity to catch up on everything they did and all that they discussed that particular day at VBS. Yesterday my son told me that the kids in his class were asked to share about a time when God revealed Himself to them. I asked him what he shared and he informed me that he shared about an experience that we had this past weekend while on a camping trip. It goes like this:

We were camping together as a family this past weekend and were staying in a yurt (if you are unfamiliar with what a yurt is, click here). One of the things my son likes to do is to show that he is trustworthy and responsible so he asked if he could be in charge of the key. I told him that would be fine as long as he kept it in a place (like a zippered pocket) where he wouldn’t lose it while we were playing on the beach, hiking, and doing all of the other fun things we were planning to do during our trip.

He fulfilled his duty as keeper of the key very well and was always able to successfully let us in to the yurt when needed and was always able to lock it up securely when we left our campsite.

On the day we were departing for home and we had emptied out the yurt and packed everything away in the car, it was time for him to lock up the yurt for the final time so that we could turn in the key and head for home. The only problem was that he couldn’t find the key. It wasn’t in the pocket where he had been keeping it. It wasn’t in any of his pockets. Panic started to sink in as he retraced his steps and looked for it. Soon, he confessed his dilemma and recruited the rest of us to look all over the campsite for the missing key. It wasn’t difficult to tell that he was really feeling down on himself and worried that he had let us down.

Seeing that we were not getting anywhere with finding the key and seeing how disappointed my son was, I asked him a simple question; “have you prayed about it yet”? He admitted that he had not. So, I invited him to sit down with me and I prayed. My prayer allowed me to acknowledge God’s sovereignty and how He allows all things to happen – ultimately for His glory and our good. My prayer allowed me to confess our need and dependence on His help. My prayer also allowed me to affirm how faithful and trustworthy my son had been during the course of our trip to take such good care of the key. And my prayer allowed me to ask God to guide us in our search and to open our eyes to where it might be.

After we said “Amen!” and closed our time in prayer, my daughter asked him to check his pockets. “I already did”, he said. And in fact, he had. Not only had he checked his pockets, I frisked him as well and ensured that all his pockets were empty. But, remembering Peter’s obedience to Jesus’ request to once again put out his net – my son reached into his pocket.

It was the look on his face that gave it away first but sure enough, when he pulled his hand out of his pocket there was the key. We instantly praised God and gave Him thanks. He had heard our prayer and answered it. And He did it in a way that had an impact on my son’s faith. So much so that he shared it with all of the kids, volunteers and teachers at VBS.

God didn’t need to help us find that key. But apparently, it was in His will to do so. It was useful to fulfill His purposes. It was useful to bolster the faith of a child. I hope that seed of faith continues to grow and that perhaps it will even take root in the hearts of those who heard his testimony at VBS. And most importantly, I hope that when it comes to the things in life that are much bigger and more important than yurt keys, that my son has learned to submit all things to the Lord in prayer.

A letter to my son on his 10th birthday

The other day after I wrote the post titled, Allowing my son to be a kid, I took the opportunity to read it to my son. I figured I should be transparent with him about the things that were on my heart and mind. His didn’t respond by saying anything necessarily but instead he just leaned into me and hugged me. More than the content of the post, I think he just likes to know that I care enough about him that I actually spend time thinking through things like that.

The one thing he did say was to remind me of a letter that I gave to him on his 10th birthday. So, I figured I would share the contents of that letter (with his permission) here. This is the first time I’ve read through it after writing it (in a very free-form, stream of consciousness type of brain dump) and giving it to him. Quite frankly, had I to do it all over again there are some changes I would make – things I would remove, things I would say differently, and things I would add. It’s certainly not comprehensive or inclusive of all the things I desire him to know. But, it was the things that were on my heart and mind at the time. So, for what it’s worth, here is that letter. Please note that the only changes I’ve made to the original is to replace their names with their initials.

Read more

God hates you (and other lies)

One of the things we like to do as a family is to have s short devotional time together every day. Typically we do this after dinner and we try to keep it to just about 10-minutes in duration given that attention spans are relatively limited for our children who range in age from six to ten years. Regardless of how short or how long, it is always a very special time together.

One of the things I’ve found is that it is during these family devotion times when our kids are more likely to open up, talk, and share the things that are on their heart and mind. More often than not, if I try to inquire about their day after just arriving home from work, I am greeted with one-word answers at best (fine, ok, good) and at worst, silence. However, family devotions hold a key to their innermost thoughts, questions and fears.

My son in particular can be a tough nut to crack. But the other night, after we had finished reading in God’s word, discussing what we read, and closing in prayer, he voluntarily shared something with all of us that was so brutally honest that it was clear that it was at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. He told us that sometimes he hears a voice in his head that says, “God hates you”. Wow! I was shocked to think that my son whom I greatly love and care for would ever hear such a voice. After all, wherever would he get such an idea? That’s not what I taught him and it’s certainly not a product of how I treat him. I know it’s not what he learns at church or Sunday school. So where on earth would he get this idea and why on earth would he be hearing that voice say such a terrible thing?

After the initial shock wore off, it didn’t take me long to answer those questions. And in fact, it is what allowed me to use his openness and willingness to share as an opportunity to instruct, encourage and exhort my son and his siblings.

First of all, I thanked him for being willing to share that and highlighted the fact that, knowing how uncomfortable he would typically be to share such a thing, I believed he was being obedient and following the prompting of the Holy Spirit by doing so. I reminded him of the fact that the Bible warns us that we have an enemy who prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can kill and devour. I told him that what he heard was a lie perpetrated by the father of lies. I reminded him that he was created in the image of God and that God has revealed His love for my son through creation and through His word – the Bible. I reminded him of the fact that the Bible says that God is love and that God loved him even while he was still a sinner. I reminded him that God so loved the world. I reminded him of how God demonstrated His love by having Jesus die on a cross for his sin and to raise from the grave to offer him new life with Him forever. I reminded him of how, when Jesus was tempted by Satan, Jesus rebuked the enemy by quoting scripture. I encouraged him to use that voice as a trigger to preach John 3:16 to himself and to insert his name where it says “the world”.

And then, I prayed for him and over him. I prayed for protection. I prayed for wisdom and discernment, that he might listen for the voice of his shepherd – the voice of Truth. I prayed that he would be filled by the Spirit and that he would be empowered to combat that lie by preaching the gospel to himself and reminding himself of the truth of God’s word. And I prayed that my son would always be willing to share those types of things with us, knowing that he is safe with us and that we desire to protect him, instruct him, and encourage him to walk in light of the truth that he is greatly loved by us and His god.

Facebook wants me to be friends with my dad

My mom and dad divorced when I was 5-years old and for the next 3 or 4 years after that, I only saw my dad about one weekend per month. Of course, I didn’t really get to spend too much time with him during those weekends because he was remarried and had three step-sons whom he eventually adopted. Consequently, there wasn’t much in the way of quality (or quantity) time with my dad. When I was 8 or 9, he moved away to Florida and that was when my relationship and all communication with him was essentially cut off. Although it’s been more than 30+ years since I’ve had a relationship with him, an interesting thing happened yesterday. I logged in to Facebook and in the right hand sidebar was a heading titled “People You May Know”. Their hope of course is that I would respond by sending these people a friend request and establishing yet another connection. Imagine my surprise when I noticed that one of those people listed in the sidebar was my dad. The gap of time, geography, and an unwillingness to keep in contact with me had been closed in an instant through Facebook. All of the sudden, the fact that I didn’t know where he lived or didn’t have his contact information no longer mattered. He was just a click away. Of course, curiosity got the best of me so I clicked on his name. Although there wasn’t too much activity or information on his profile and wall, I did learn a few things.

  • He only set up his account a couple of months ago and hasn’t really been too active aside from setting up his initial profile.
  • I was reminded of his birth date.
  • I learned that his religious views are Roman Catholic and that he holds a position with the Knights of Columbus in his area.
  • I learned that he enjoys country music.
  • And in the section titled, “People who inspire me”, he listed “my wife and kids”.

When I read that last one, I of course knew that I was not one of those kids that inspire him. That didn’t bother me. Since the age of five, my normal has been that I don’t have a dad. That’s just the way things were and for the most part, I never really thought about it and I have never necessarily felt any regret, anger, or resentment toward him. Sure, there have been times over the years where I have lamented the fact that I didn’t have a dad growing up but it’s usually just a passing thought, usually elicited by some interaction with my own kids or when observing how my friends interact with their fathers. What surprised me however, was the emotion I felt when I noticed the one post on his wall. It was from one of the kids that inspires him – one of my step-brothers. It read, “Hey dad hope all is well. I don’t know how often you come on facebook but fyi, i luv ya and miss ya. give mom a hug for me. God bless all who read this too ;)”.

I don’t really know how to describe what emotion I felt when I read that but essentially, I found myself thinking that I wish I had a relationship with him that would cause me to reach out to him and tell him that I love him. It’s funny but most people, when considering kids that grow up with an absent parent, tend to only think about the love the child is missing out on receiving. They don’t typically think about the love that the child is missing out on giving. Consequently, I found it ironic that one of my first thoughts was that I wished I had a dad to whom I could honestly say, “I love you”.

But then of course, I was reminded that I do have a dad to whom I can honestly say, “I love you”. I prefer to call Him my Father but regardless of whether it’s “dad” or “Father”, He just prefers that I call Him. And when I do, it’s usually to tell Him that I love Him.

When I think about the reasons why I love Him, many of them have to do with how different my experience with Him has been in comparison to my experience with my earthly dad. Although not comprehensive, the following are some of the reasons why I can honestly say “I love you” to my Heavenly Father.

  • My Heavenly Father knows me
  • My Heavenly Father is faithful
  • My Heavenly Father revealed Himself to me and allowed me to know Him
  • My Heavenly Father will never leave me or abandon me
  • My Heavenly Father has provided me with a firm foundation
  • My Heavenly Father has always been an ever present help in times of trouble
  • My Heavenly Father has been a shield about me and offered me a place of refuge from life’s storms
  • My Heavenly Father disciplines me
  • My Heavenly Father has shown me compassion
  • My Heavenly Father has instructed me in the way I should go
  • My Heavenly Father chose me and adopted me as His son
  • My Heavenly Father has provided me with an inheritance and hope for the future
  • My Heavenly Father provides for my daily needs
  • Because my Heavenly Father first loved me

I am thankful that my God has chosen to be a Father to the fatherless and that His grace is sufficient.

In the arms of the Father

Although it doesn’t happen every night, the prototypical, and ideal, evening for our family looks something like this:

  • The kids have all of their homework done before I get home from work
  • After I get home, we sit down to eat dinner together
  • After dinner and conversation at the table, we spend some time reading God’s word
  • After discussing what we read in God’s word, we enjoy a time of prayer together

This is in fact how last evening transpired. My youngest daughter (she’s five years old) was curled up in my lap for both the Bible reading and discussion as well as for our prayer time. I always love it when she chooses to sit with me during prayer time because more often than not, she ends up falling asleep before I say “Amen”. Not only does this make bed time that much easier, it also has a more profound effect.

It reveals that she feels comfortable, safe, and content when she is cuddled up close to me, her father. I think it provides a great picture of how my Heavenly Father desires me to be – to draw close to him so that, as I listen to His words and His voice, I can rest peacefully knowing that He is there and that He loves me and He will protect me.

Singing praises through clenched teeth

Yesterday I had one of the most frustrating mornings I’ve ever had at church. For some reason, all three of my kids decided that they would bring their worst attitudes to worship. Except, instead of casting their cares upon Christ and experiencing the joy and peace that comes from resting in Him, they decided to unleash their wrath upon each other as well as upon me and my wife. “Never distract others from worshiping the Lord” is a mantra they have heard me repeat over the years. Well, yesterday, they seemed intent on finding out what would happen if they did distract others, including me. Have you ever tried to sing praises to Jesus through clenched teeth? Not only is it not practical, I have a feeling it’s also not a very pleasing aroma to the Lord.

As I invited the Holy Spirit to search my heart during this time of frustration, I was convicted of my pride, selfishness and arrogance. You see, He revealed that I was actually more upset about how my children’s behavior was impacting me and reflecting on my ability to manage my children more than I was concerned for God receiving the praise and adoration that He deserves. I was more sensitive to my reputation than I was for God’s renown. How humbling.

As the scales were removed from my eyes, the Holy Spirit allowed me to see the situation not as an inconvenience but rather an opportunity. This behavior that I found so unacceptable was simply an indicator that I needed to do some teaching. It was a symptom that some instruction was required. As I carried my distraught five-year old daughter from the sanctuary during my pastor’s opening prayer, my heart was moved with compassion for her and I set my face toward the foyer with a sense of purpose. Although it required me to fight against every natural inclination to spend the next 30-minutes chastising her for her behavior and explaining how disappointed I was in not only her behavior but also in the fact that I was unable to sit through the service as I desired, I determined that I was going to use this opportunity to teach my daughter about grace.

While there was some discussion of her behavior, thanks be to God that most of our time was spent talking about her heart. We got to talk about how our desires should not be to pursue happiness necessarily but rather, we are to pursue holiness. That we should not be focused on being a good person but rather a Godly person. We discussed how, although it’s frustrating to see her act that way, I don’t want her to focus on changing her behavior but rather I want her to let God change her heart. We discussed what Jesus meant about cleaning the inside of the cup first so then the outside will also be clean and about His warning about white-washed tombs. We got to pray and express our gratitude for God’s grace, mercy and love. And we got to extend forgiveness to one another. And although I did not get to listen to my pastor teach from God’s word yesterday, the gospel was preached.

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